May. 23rd, 2009 11:38 am
[personal profile] sallyalice
Ow. Nice ow, but ow.

As promised, they removed the catheter and the pack today. And started me dilating.

The pack came out first - it was essentially just a length of moist dressings that had been curled around inside me, to prevent my new anatomy from healing over. The nurse told me to take deep breaths, and then started tugging. Actually, it didn't feel too painful; just very weird - I experienced a strange tickling sensation round and round the lining of my vagina. I was more in danger of laughing than of crying out in pain. And it *kept on going* - it really was like watching a magician revealing the flags of all nations, as I'd been promised.

Then she started me on the smaller of the two dilators. Dilators terrify me - they strike me as the brainchild of Ann Summers and H.P. Lovecraft. Admittedly, they are low on tentacles, but they really are scarily big. The nurse inserted the dilator while making sure I was watching with my hand mirror. Now, this was a little more painful - and felt disturbing. I'd just been penetrated by a scary torpedo thing, through a hole I didn't have last week. Also, it pulled on my stitches. That said, it wasn't so bad, and I had a glimmering of how this kind of thing might become pleasurable in time.

Then I had to extract the first dilator, and the larger one went in. Ow, ow, ow. It felt like it was making a spirited attempt to tear me in half, and as there was already a convenient wound for it to work on, it was having some success. I had to leave the thing in for twenty minutes; for most of that time, I was desperately trying to untense my pelvic floor muscles to make the experience less painful, but not managing in the slightest. A few minutes in, the nurse took the opportunity to remove the catheter, which stung and caused me to yelp. By the time my twenty minutes were up, I was thoroughly traumatised. The pain hadn't even approached the agony of the haematoma on Tuesday (even with the morphine I'd had then), but the knowledge that I was inflicting this on myself gave it a different kind of edge.

Each time I slid a dilator out, a lot of Bindel (blood and lube mostly) came with it. Ugh.

Once it was all over, I ran to the loo and peed. Properly. Without a catheter, and without a silly tube of biological tissue. I didn't manage much: it stung and I was scared of changing the pressure from my sphincter. Again, there was a bit of blood too.
Oh, but then I was finally allowed to have a shower. It felt *so* good - I'm clean again!

...and in just over an hour's time, I repeat the last few steps.

Unfortunately, this may mean it'll be a little after 2pm that I'll be ready to see visitors today... although you're welcome to eat the food and play with the various soft toys by my bed until I'm out of the shower.



September 2009


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